Finding Heero
by Starr Bryte
Summary: Inner peace is such a fragile thing. And if that inner peace breaks, what then? The War is over yet those who fought for peace must now find it's meaning. It will be a search that will either make or break them.
1. Evenescence

**Dear Readers,**

**This is a songfic that's not a songfic… If you want to see it in all of it's song-ficcy glory, go to yeah... I started this fic soon after I saw Endless Waltz but before I had seen the entire series. Now that I own the entire series and understand the characters better it should flow easier. This first chapter/prologue might seem a little weak, but someone who read this for me said that the story needed a prologue. So I will ignore all flames concerning my prologue… So there! This first prolgue will have a few verses of my own. They are mine, do not steal.**

**I do not own Gundam Wing.**

**I do not own Evenescence.**

**I do not own Nightwish.**

**I dedicate this chapter to my poopie cousin who is such a perfectionist... I love you too... and also to my poopie computer who won't let me do the things I want to do with this document. I love you as well...**

**I hope you enjoy me work. I haven't given up on BoD, I'm still working on it. The 27th chapter should be done soon if nothing scary happens to it… **

**Stay safe**

**Stay healthy **

**Sincerely,**

**Starr Bryte**

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_**Tuesday, April 27, 197 After Colony 10:30 A.M. Sanq Time. Sanq Capital. Peacecraft Castle.**_

In the year After Colony 197 Queen Relena Peacecraft Darlian stepped down from the Sanq throne and the Kingdom of Sanq was officially integrated into the Earth Sphere Unified Nations and Relena Peacecraft officially took on the name of Darlian once again to become the Vice Foreign Minister. The castle was turned into a museum and opened to the general public while Relena moved back into the mansion she had grown up in, surrounding herself in politics and the life that she loved. Her Adoptive mother stayed until her daughter was settled before moving out and moving in with the widow of the late General Noventa, hoping that time, and a little peace and quiet, would heal old wounds and lay to rest the gohsts of their husbands.

The Gundam Pilots destroyed their Gundams with little fanfare and moved on. Pilot 05, Chang WuFei joined the Preventers to become Agent Ash. The action and the duty gave him a sense of purpose as well as a sense of belonging and he was never seen far from his companion and inspiration, Dr. Sally Po a.k.a. Agent Water.

Pilot 04, Quatre Reberba Winner took over his father's corperation and officially became head of the Winner family. He never forgot his family during the war and contacted his "Brothers" almost every day. The Maguanacs ceased to be an army and instead dedicated themselves to helping the WEI flourish. It was not surprising that many of the remaining single Winner women attached themselves rather forcefully to the rough and tumble arabians. Even though his work kept him busy Quatre also was an unofficial Preventer and was always prepared to go when Commander Une was in need of his skills as a pilot and tactician. He took the Preventer name Agent Sand.

Pilot 03 a.k.a. Nanashi a.k.a. Trowa Barton a.k.a Triton Bloom a.k.a Trowa Bloom finally took a name by becoming an official member of the Colonial Traveling Circus. Catherine Bloom became Trowa's official guardian and both became the stars of the show with their acrobatics routine. Even though he regarded the circus as his family, he kept in constant contact with his "Brothers" and sent them tickets to see the show almost all the time. They almost always came. He also kept one ear open with the Preventers and if there was ever a need for infiltration or a tactical mind he was there as Agent Glass

Pilot 02 a.k.a Duo Maxwell a.k.a. Shinigami worked and lived with the Sweepers and bounced back and forth between the colonies and Earth. As an unofficial contact of the Preventers he never became an agent, but still helped out now and then as a hacker and head of security. It was all kept very hush-hush and only his brothers, the sweepers and Commander Une knew. In his spare time he returned to school and studied to be a minister.

Pilot 01 a.k.a. Heero Yuy kept in touch with his brothers and became Relena Darlian Peacecraft's head bodyguard. He seemed content where he was and those closest to him would claim that they had never seen him happier.

Or so they thought...

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_It was just a feeling I had_

_Just a feeling_

_It woke me from my sleep_

_I don't even know if I dreamed_

_If the dream had been a nightmare that had woke me_

_But it did._

_And I lay in the darkness_

_Waiting_

_Terror_

_Waiting_

_Fear_

_Waiting_

_Worry _

_Waiting_

_Breathe._

_I can't breathe._

_My only thoughts were of you_

_It was just a feeling I had_


	2. Hello

**Dear Readers,**

**About six months before I started this fanfic my classmate died in a car accident. I remember getting the phone call. It was disbeleif and then a sort of numb calmness. Duo's reaction in this chapter mirrors my own. Sort of a "What? Can you repeat that, I don't think I heard correctly…" A kind of shock. **

**I do not own Gundam Wing**

**I do not own "Hello" by Evenescence**

**This chapter is dedicated to the Patrick family and to our own #51 who never made it to his tournament and who never scored the winning touchdown… You are greatly missed.**

**Stay safe ****Stay healthy Sincerely,**

**Starr Bryte**

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_**Tuesday, October 27, 197 After Colony 10:30 P.M. Sanq Time. Sanq Capital. General Hospital.**_

"Emergency! Ninteen-year-old male! Severe cranial trauma! Prepare the OR for emergency surgery!"

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Duo Maxwell skidded around the corner, almost slamming into several people and nearly blowing the dorrs off their hinges on his way to the waiting room. Th eother ex-pilots were already there along with some random Preventers and Relena.

"Duo!" Quatre called, waving him over.

"Quatre!" The former Shinigami answered, "What the hell happened!"

"That's what I'd like to know." The blonde pilot said, "One moment I'm going through some files and thinking about turning in for the night when suddenly I get a call saying to come to the hospital!"

"How's Relena taking it?" Duo asked, lowering his voice.

"Why don't you go over and ask." WuFei cut in flatly, "She's over there looking like a female version of Buddha." Duo glanced over at the politician. She was sitting in one of the hard plastic chairs, ankles crossed, hands neatly folded, face serene as if she were posing for a portrait, or she was a statue.

Standing up Duo walked over to the politician. She didn't look worried, or even concerned. She looked dead.

"Relena." Duo called her softly. Relena blinked as if coming out of a deep trance and looked up at him.

"Hello Duo." She said, just as softly, her voice even and unchanging. A feminine monotone.

"Relena, you've got to hang in there, everything's going to be fine." Duo said, trying to reassure her, even though the expression on her face was giving him chills, "He's too stubborn to die, you know he'll get through this."

Relena smiled, a soft, wry smile. It didn't belong on her face. Not on the one they had fought so hard to keep clean from the emotional stains of the war. Not the one HE had fought so hard to keep clean from the emotional stains of the war. It didn't belong on her face. But it had somehow found it's way into her smile. Duo fought back a shivver.

"Don't try to be hopeful Duo. He was dead before I even picked up the phone."

Duo swallowed hard and tried to grin. He was supposed to be the ever cheerful one. The one who made everyone, even enemies, laugh. The one who made his friends feel at ease in spite of themselves. So if he was the one who made everyone smile… Why wasn't it working?

"What are you talking about? You don't mean that. You're just in shock, Princess."

Relena shook her head slowly from side to side.

"He took a bullet straight to the head, Duo. No one can survive that. Not even him." She said. Duo felt his thorught tighten. Clearing it he tried again.

"He's had bad injuries before and he always survived. He survived then, he'll survive now." But now he could hear the doubt in his own voice and what Relena had said started to sink in, painfully. He blinked rapidly and struggled to remember his training even as his voice choked. It couldn't be true. He wouldn't believe it. He refused to believe it.

A doctore came out of the Operating Room.

"Relena Peacecraft?" He asked as all eyes turned to him. Relena stood up and walked measuredly over to him. Almost as if she were gliding. Or walking on eggshells. As if the ground she tread was fragile and would break if she stepped too solidly. As if the moment she lived in was all an illusion and she half hoped it would disappear and she would wake up again to see him standing in the shadows, watching her. Protecting her. They way he always had and always would.

"Yes?"

"Ms. Peacecraft. We did all we could, but the damage was too sever. The patient didn't make it… I'm sorry." There was a pause. Like the wind before a storm. Stillness before action. Then there was reaction. Shocked silences, silent tears, shared looks of disbeleif. Duo tried to wrap his mind around what he had heard. Not possible. Wasn't it only yesterday that he was eating ice cream in the park with him? Talking? Laughting? He had seemed fine. He had said he was fine. They had made plans to meet up with the others and do something together… Like the old days. Duo felt as if the bottom of his stomach had fallen out. The room swayed violently and he shook his head to clear it. And suddenly it wasn't a nightmare. It was real. Like the pain.

Time seemed to freeze. He never knew his legs had given out before he was sitting on the floor.

_Don't loose it now Maxwell… _The cold voice that was the Shinigami in him said, _Stay strong… Stay strong… You must stay strong…_ He looked up at Relena and had to do a double-take… What he saw was a smile on her face… The serene, cold, unfeeling 'my-world-is-falling-apart' grin of someone who had seen something terrible… He knew that feeling well… Had felt it when Maxwell church had burned to the ground. She swayed suddenly, her eyes rolling back into her head.

"Someone catch her!" WuFei shouted. Duo, being right behind her, had only to open his arms and Relena fell into them. Blinking rapidly he stared at the operating room doors and it finally began to sink in. Really sink in. It didn't feel real… He didn't want it to be real. Please.. Let this be a dream.. Please God… Don't let it be real… It can't be real… It is real… It has to be… The floor is cold and hard… The lights are bright and the white of the walls hurt the eyes… The smell of disinfectant burns the nose… It can't be a dream… It's not a dream anymore… He's dead… He's gone… He's never coming back… Duo never even realized he was crying until he felt the weness on his cheeks.

"Heero…" He gasped, "Why…?

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_Playground school bell rings—again _

_Rain clouds come to play—again _

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello—I am your mind giving you _

_Someone to talk to—Hello _

_If I smile and don't _

_Believe _

_Soon I know I'll wake _

_From this dream_

_Don't try to fix me—I'm not broken_

_Hello—I am the lie living for you so you can hide— _

_Don't cry_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping— _

_Hello—I'm still here _

_All that's left of yesterday—_

_Hello…_


	3. To Fade

**Dear Readers,**

**I went to check my e-mail account and saw no less than FOUR reviews! I feel so loved! Thank you! I will be steadily adding to this story, although it might slow down in the future because I need to get my homework done… So don't fret… I WILL finish it… This is going to be a short chapter because I'm trying to find a pattern to my writing. Some chapters will be really short. Some will be really long. Please, bear with me…**

**I do not own Gundam Wing**

**I own the verse at the end so don't steal…**

**Along that same line I would like to mention one of the underlining themes of this story. LoneWarrior2 did a project on Evenescence. One of the things she told me about the name stuck with me. **

"**Evenescence means to slowly fade away" She said. So I'm going to be using that a lot. I know a lot of people don't like Relena, but I do. She's just a woman. A smart, politically savvy woman, but a woman all the same. She can be shallow, but she can also be deep. Don't flame me because I see bits of Relena in myself.**

**Stay safe **

**Stay healthy**

**Sincerely,**

**Starr Bryte**

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The funeral itself was simple. No big song and dance. He was buried in the graveyard that had been set aside for soldiers who had lost their lives during the war. The marker was a simple stone slab with words carved into it:

_**Odin Lowe Jr.**_

"_**Heero Yuy"**_

_**Never forgotten, Ever remembered**_

_**Faithful gaurdian of humanity**_

Duo stood next to Relena with the other ex-Gundam Pilots, feeling somehow responsible for her. As the last of the 'mourners' left her let out a ragged sigh.

"He may have saved humanity, but he couldn't even save himself. Why did he do it?" He asked. Relena twisted her handkercheif in her hands and didn't answer. She had been tearlessly silent since the mortitian had given his statement. Turning, she started to walk away.

"I'm going home." She murmured.

"Let me drive you." Duo offered, "I feel like I need to do something helpful." Relena smiled.

"Thank you, Duo. You were always there for him, weren't you."

Duo smiled ruefully and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Yeah. I guess… Although I wasn't there for him now." He said, bitterness twisting his voice. Relena patted his arm.

"Don't feel bad about that Duo. He was very good at hiding what he was feeling. I don't think anyone knew."

"Not even you?" Duo asked, but Relena didn't answer.

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Over the months Relena Darlian Peacecraft would fade from the political spotlight. All of her friends kept careful tabs on her and did all they could to make sure she didn't let her grief swamp her. But Relena was slowly fading away…

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_Evanescence_

_A slow fading away_

_In the end we all fade away_

"_The only thing we have to fear in the end is the end"_

_That is what she said._

_I did not reply_

_I agree_

_I disagree_

_I cry_

_I deny_

_In the end_

_The only thing I have to fear in the end is the end_

_My worst enemy_

_My only friend_

_The only one I can't deny_

_Me_

_Myself_

_I_


	4. Imaginary

**Dear Readers,**

**Okay.. I'm putting a warning on this chapter for Attempted Suicide… I know that pill overdosing needs instant care and I know that some people will object to my type of cure, but a stomach pump does the exact same thing. Here's to the people with sensitive gag reflexes! **

**I do not own Gundam Wing**

**I do not own 'Imaginary' by Evanescence**

**Flames will be used to toast my daily bread.**

**HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY EVERYBODY!**

**Stay safe**

**Stay healthy**

**Sincerely,**

**Starr Bryte**

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_**Tuesday, April, 28 198 After Colony 10:30 A.M. Sanq Time. Sanq Capital. Darlian-Peacecraft Mansion**_

Relena was floating in dreams. They weren't good dreams. But they weren't bad dreams either. It was the kind of dreams few remembered once they woke up. It was the kind of dreams brought on by a sleeping pill induced haze. Slowly she became aware of the alarm clock going off and the sound of thunder outside her window.

Relena groaned as her body protested getting out of bed. The clock said after ten in the morning, but she didn't care. It would just be easier to go back to sleep. That would be wonderful. To just go to sleep and live in a dream world.

Finally the sound of someone knocking on the front door brought her out of her reverie. The housekeeper answered it. The sound of voices. She groaned. Duo had been calling her for sometime now. She knew he worried about her. And she wasn't answering his phone calls or messages. She ground her teeth in frustration and remained where she was, hoping the house keeper would shoo him away. She couldn't stand the outside world anymore. All that noise and the sound of life continuing on without her. Without Heero. That name was still painful to think about and Relena fought the urge to cry. She could not cry. She would not cry. He never cried, so neither would she. She had to be strong. Like Heero. But if Heero had been so strong, why did he leave? Those were questions she didn't want answered, and so she clung to the illusion of perfection with a painful grip.

Then came the sound she dreaded. Footsteps outside her door. Familiar footsteps. Duo. _Knock,knock,knock_

"Relena? Hey, Princess… It's Duo… Can I come in?" Why. Why must they always bother her? All she wanted to do was sleep. Couldn't they just leave her alone? If she could sleep, she could forget. Forget that he was dead. Forget that she was alone. Forget that life was living without her. Without him. Relena's eye was caught by the dim light reflecting off her bottle of sleeping pills. Duo was still knocking on her door, this time more urgently.

"Relena, open the door." A command. Part of her was surprised since she had hever heard Duo use such a tone of voice before. She ignored him as she reached for the bottle. It was pure white and sooo inviting. If she went back to sleep and ignored him, he would go away. Opening the bottle she took one. Not feeling drowsy she took another. And then another. And then another. Why couldn't she get to sleep? She always felt sleep after one. It was the damn Duo's fault, banging on her door and calling her all the time. Why couldn't he just go away? Why couldn't they all just go away? Finally she felt sleepy. More than sleepy. Exhausted. As if a great weight had settled on her chest. The bottle fell from her suddenly numb fingers with a clatter and she fell back onto the bed, her mind sinking into oblivion.

Outside Relena's bedroom door Duo was starting to get worried. Why wasn't she answering? He could hear movement from inside. He heard something hit the floor. Something that sounded like a plastic bottle. A sudden fear struck his heart. NO. She couldn't have. But her tearless and shattered face filled his mind and he admitted that not only she could, but she would. Yelling for the housekeeper he backed up and rammed at the door with his shoulder. IT shuddered and gave a little. A kick to the doorknob and the lock broke off. Another kick and the door blew back on its hinges. Giving into his instinct Duo looked around. There was Relena, on the bed in her underwear. There on the floor was the innocent looking bottle of sleeping pills. Going to the bed he shook her. She didn't move.

"Relena. Relena wake up." He turned to the housekeeper.

"If I yell for you, call an ambulance. I hope it doesn't come to that, but be alert!" Nodding dumbly the woman raced out of the room to wait by the phone in case he called for her. Turning back to Relena, Duo could guess what she had done. He grimaced. He hated to and he knew that the doctor wouldn't like it, but timing was everything. Lifting her up into a sitting position he tilted her to the side and stuck to fingers down her throat.

"Come on." He muttered, "Be a good gag reflex and convulse for me…" He muttered. With a choking burble Relena retched onto the floor. She heaved like this a few more times before she started coughing weakly. Duo breathed a sigh of releif. Still supporting her, he sat her back up. Relena turned, and when she saw him she blinked in confusion.

"Duo?" She mumbled hoarsely, "What happened?" Then she turned to look at the mess on the floor and the nearly empty bottle.

"Oh god, what have I done?" She whispered in disbeleif.

"Relena." He said.

"What have I done!"

"Relena, listen to me!"

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

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_I linger in the doorway_

_Of alarm clock screaming_

_Monster's calling my name_

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story_

_xxxxx_

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

_xxxxx_

_Don't say I'm out of touch_

_With this rampant chaos—your reality_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge_

_The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

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_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I like inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple skies fly over me_

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_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_

_Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming_

_The goddess of imaginary lights._


	5. Aknowledgement of the Facts

**Dear Reader,**

**MIIIIILLLLAAAAAA! I am so, so sorry Mila! You are such a nice reviewer and I've been such a hypocrite! Please forgive me! I hate it when fan authors do the cliffhanger thing too! I promise I'll do better with this story! **

**I do not own Gundam Wing.**

**Thank you to Mila who is one of the best reviewers ever and is so wonderful! Please don't give up on me! **

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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Duo carried Relena down the stairs, wrapped up in his trench coat. He had cleaned her up as best he could and decided to take her to the doctor himself, rather than call for one. She seemed alright, a little shocky, but that was to be expected considering. It was with a terrorists hodge-podge medical skills that he made his decisions. They usually worked. After telling the poor house-keeper where he was taking her charge he put her in the front seat of his car. As they drove he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was curled up, almost into a ball and it was then that Duo noticed how small she seemed. How thin and fragile. He had known something was wrong when she started to ignore his phone calls. He had tried to keep her from cutting herself off from the world… Alas, that it hadn't worked out as well as he had hoped. She didn't ask where they were going, she just sat there and shivered. And just like during the war when things were either awkward or headed into a bad direction, Duo started talking. Anything to fill the terrible silence.

"I'm taking you to a friend of mine who's a doctor… In fact he did a lot of work for the rebels during the war and I've known him for a really long time. He's a good guy and keeps his mouth shut when you tell him to." Relena nodded.

"He's the personal doctor of the Preventors now. He works mostly within the main building itself, unlike Sally who is always out on the field, as usual." Duo continued, "I'll take you around the back way. I know your girl won't talk and I know you'll want to keep this as quiet as possible. The last thing I want is for the media hounds to come after you again. I won't see you hurt." He swallowed hard as the words left his mouth. The rest of the relatively short trip was driven in silence. Each to their own thoughts. Relena was wracked by guilt.

_Did I really just attempt to kill myself? _She wondered in confusion, _That wasn't what I wanted to do. All I wanted to do was sleep. But then I couldn't. And before I knew it…If Duo hadn't broken the door down… If he hadn't made me thow up…_The thought caused her to shudder with guilt and fear, _Suicide… That's the last thing I want… After I promised him I would live… But what kind of life is this?I'm so confused._ Duo glanced at her again and saw that she was shaking. He knew what she was feeling. It was something he had contemplated a lot during the war. Suicide. Peace. An end at last. And he also knew what it was like to loose your head during that one small moment of desperation. One pain killer too many. Or ten. He had that happen once. That was why he trusted this doctor. He had been there when he had lost control. That doctor had understood and his words had been what kept Duo going through those hard times.

_"You may be death and the pilot of Deathscythe... But in reality you are only a young man in a hopeless situation surrounded by hopeless situation. And sometimes it's easy to forget that peace has ever existed. But if I'm right, you are just the person to do that Duo. For you r sake I'll pray for you... I have enough faith for the both of us."_ Doctor Chigusa Wakui had been his friend ever since and had taken care of him when he had gotten all sliced up. Chig, as he was called by friends and collegues alike, was about as straight as a pretzel and Duo hoped, for his friend's sake, that he would fine someone someday. He parked the car and scooped Relena up. She was shivering again. Duo walked with quick, long strides up to the hidden back enterance and into the Preventers infirmary from behind. With luck the place would be empty. He prayed that it would be empty. The last thing he needed was for someone to see Relena like this before she was ready to show herslef. The back room was empty and Duo set her down on the bed and covered with a blanket.

"I'll be right back." He said, "I'll only be a few minutes. You only have to be strong until then." Relena nodded uncertainly.

"Alright."

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Duo glanced at the clock in the hallway. Four in the afternoon already. Shaking his head he knocked on the only closed door. Chig, recognizing Duo's knock, opened it a crack, which meant that he was with a patient. Probably WuFei. Ever since Heero's death WuFei had purposely been getting himself hurt. An odd form of cutting. But it was a good excuse Duo admitted to himself. Getting hurt accidentally on purpose.

"I have Relena in the back room." Duo murmured. Chig's eyes widened and he nodded.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Chang nearly got his arm cut off with a rotary cutter."

"Again!" Duo gasped. Chig rolled his eyes in answer.

"This is... what? Third time this month alone?"

"Fourth."

"God... And I thought I was the crazy one."

"It's not just you." Chig chuckled, "I swear all of you pilots are crazier than loons. Now go on. I'll be there to see Ms. Dorlian shortly." Duo nodded, remembering his promise to be quick. Turning he trotted back tot he room. Relena was lying on the bed and clutching the blanket desperately to herself. It was then that Duo got a good look at her. She was too thin and her hair was scraggly and unwashed. All in all she looked like a homeless person. A physical and psychological wreck. Oh, how well he knew that feeling. How well they all knew that feeling. In fact... Duo thought back to WuFei... Just like Relena, was the martial artist slowly but surely killing himself? That wasn't a pleasant thought.

"What's wrong Duo?" Relena asked softly, "You're frowning." Duo flashed his classic grin and rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh, was was just thinking deep thoughts." For the first time in six months Relena gave him a small, trembly smile.

"You? Think deep thoughts? What's the world coming to?" She asked in a weak attempt at a joke. Duo laughed with her and coked his head tot he side as he heard Chig close the door to his office.

"I'll be right back. I need to speak to the doctor. I'll only be a few moments. You think you can survive alone again?" Relena nodded this time.

"Yes." She said. Duo gave her a reassuring smile and left the room. Relena lay down on the bed. Somehow, since Duo had brought her here, she felt safer. More confident now. He made her fell that way, simply by understanding. And he did understand. She saw it in his eyes. He knew. She had heard many stories about the things the Gundam Pilots had gone through and knew that some of the stories had been heavily edited for her sake. She didn't harbor any fantasies and knew that suicide had been in their thoughts many times. The thought caused her to frown as she remembered Duo's expression. Had he tried to kill himself during the war? It was impossible for her to picture the cheerful and grinning pilot in that kind of situation. This was food for thought. Relena settled back and prayed that Duo would come back soon.

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"...So she tried to pull a Maxwell, eh?" Chig said, raking a hand through his wild, thinning hair, "Not surprising, considering."

"I induced vomiting as soon as I realized what was going on..." Duo admitted, "I know it's not the healthiest thing for her, but she's awake and breathing. That's all that I needed."

"Hmmm... If she's awake and lucid, then I can give her a check-up and keep her here overnight." Chig said. Duo nodded in agreement and opened the door.

"Relena?" I would like you to meet my friend, Dr. Chigusa Wakui... Chig for short. He was there for me during the war and was very helpful." Relena nodded and sat up.

"Pleased to meet you." She said softly, giving him a small, wan smile.

"How are you feeling my dear?" Chig asked, pulling out an armband and checking her blood pressure. Relena blinked at him.

"A little woozy. And cold."

"Not surprising..." He said, going to a cabinet and pulling out a blanket, "Here, get that around you." He sat down on a nearby stool and checked her pupils, "Duo has been very worried about you. As have the other pilots. You're not the only one who is greiving. Did you know there is a young man in the next room who routinely gets himself banged up because he has nothing better to do with his greatest rival gone? Just this morning he nearly sliced his arm off by 'accident'. Duo tells me you're having trouble sleeping and have been taking pills for it. What made you take more than the prescribed amount?" At the gentle, probing question Relena's eyes filled with tears.

"I don't know! I don't know why I did it! The last thing HE ever did was make me promise that I would live. He wanted me to live. I was to live for him because he couldn't live for himself!" Chig raised an eyebrow and Duo stared at Relena in open-mouthed shock.

"Ms. Dorlian." Chig said firmly, "What exactly happened the night that he died?" Duo saw Relena flinch. She looked over at Duo who gave her a shaky, but encouraging smile. Turning she looked the doctor straight in the eye and said, softly but firmly,

"That is between Heero and me."

"No?" Chig's other eyebrow went up.

"Relena..." Duo tried, pleadingly.

"No, Duo." The finality in her voice made him straighten up a bit and he almost saluted with a 'Yessir'. But luckily Relena yawned.

"Is it safe for her to sleep, Chig?" Duo asked, "She's had a rought afternoon." Chig nodded.

"I think it's safe now. But promise me that you won't take anymore sleeping pills." He said firmly. Relena nodded.

"After what happened today I don't want to take anymore." She said, shuddering.

"Good... Is there someone we need to call?"

"My housekeeper. She's probably worried herself into a tizzy by now." Relena said.

"I shall call your house." Chig assured her, "Now get some sleep." Just as Duo was about to turn to go Relena grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip. He turned to look into her eyes, now filled with fear.

"Don't leave me." She begged, "I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me alone. I won't have nightmares if I'm not alone." She sounded so much like a frightened child and the look on her face made Duo's heart twist in his chest. Turning down the light Duo sat down on Chig's vacated stool and took her hand.

"No. I won't leave. I'll be right here." He said. Relena was already falling asleep, even as he spoke those words.

"Duo..." She mumbled, "Thank you... For... Everything..."

"Shhh..." Leaning forward he gently kissed her forehead, very much like the nun who had raised him would after tucking him into bed. But it was a different sort of kiss that he gave her. And the odd feeling of protectiveness he felt as he watched her sleep, wasn't the one he used to feel when he had been the leader of a gang, watching the little ones sleep. It was then that Duo realized something, there in the dim clinic room. He was falling in love. He was falling in love and he didn't know if he could handle it.


	6. Return of the Living Dead

**Dear Readers,**

**Okay, I've figured it out. I will finish this fanfic if it's the last thing I do. One chapter a week. I'll make sure of it. You will all get a weekly dosing of this fic. Actually that's all I have to say at the moment. You are certainly welcome to read my other fanfics. I recommend it. **

**I do not own Gundam Wing.**

**Thanks to Mila who is now my favorite reviewer for this fic, you are too awesome! Thanks to my other reviewers who make my world go 'round. **

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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Zech's smoothly brought the jet in to circle the skies in autopilot and smiled at his wife of nearly two years. It had become easier to smile since the war had finally ended with Mariemaia's paralyzation. The ten-year-old was happy living with Une and would soon be attending her first year of Junior High. But that wasn't the only reason why Zechs was smiling. Soon after they had secretly returned to Earth after finishing their shifts with the Terraforming project they had found out that Noin was pregnant. Zech's had joked about the baby having a ghost for a father and Noin had only whapped him once upside the head. They had decided to visit their old friends and tell them the news in person. It had been almost a year since they had heard from any of them, but when Zechs had called the Peacecraft mansion they had gotten the housekeeper who had said that Relena was indisposed. They had called Heero's apartment next and the operator had told them that the number had been disconnected. They got WuFei's answering machine. Same with Duo. Quatre's line was busy and they new Trowa never answered his phone. Nearly desperate they finally contacted the Preventers finally reaching Sally.

"Hello? Agent Water here."

"Wind speaking."

"Zechs? You're back? Is Noin with you?"

"Yes. We got in about a week ago. We have something we want to tell you. Where the hell is everybody?" He wasn't expecting the sound of Sally choking back a sob.

"Oh, Zechs... You haven't heard? It was awful! We didn't know if the message reached you we were all still in shock!" At those words Zechs and Noin shared a worried glance.

"What's wrong Sally? What happened?" Noin asked, concern filling her voice.

"I think this is something that should be told in person. Where are you now?"

"Above the city. We'll be landing shortly... Where do you want to meet us?"

"HQ."

"Alright. We'll be seeing you soon then."

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Nearly a half hour later Zechs and Noin walked into one of the smaller meeting rooms of the Preventers headquarters. Sally hugged Noin tightly and lead them to a nearby couch.

"Tell us everything that happened." Noin said, squeezing her friend's hand. Sally swallowed hard.

"Well, the last time you contacted us we told you about WuFei joining the Preventers and Heero becoming Relena's bodyguard. Quatre works with his father's company and helps us from time to time. Trowa still works at that circus... I saw one of his shows a little while ago. Duo still works in scrap, but he's also gone back to school. Mariemaia is happy and Une has stabled out now that she has something to take care of. We thought the Heero was finally at peace. There were times when he seemed almost happy. But... What we didn't know was that... He..." Sally swallowed again.

"What?" Noin asked, "What happened to Heero?" Zechs leaned forward in his seat.

"About six months ago we were all called to the hospital... We were told that he had been cleaning his gun or something and it went off in his hand... That's what Relena told us... The investigation was labeled an 'accidental death'..." Sally sighed and shook her head, "We all know that's a lie. Anyone who knows Heero would know that he wasn't careless."

"What are you saying Sally?" Noin asked. It was Zechs who answered in a tight voice.

"He shot himself, didn't he..." He said, not bothering to ask if it was true. Sally nodded.

"He killed himself. But what's worse is that I think Relena knew what he was going to do, but let him do it anyway. He was dead before she even reached the phone. She hasn't said anything... But... Well... You know how much she loved Heero. And ever since his death she hasn't been the same."

"What's wrong with Relena." Zech's demanded. Sally looked at him.

"She's alright now... But for the past six months it was all we could do to get her out of bed. She would hide in her room. She finally quit the political spotlight. Finally, yesterday she accidentally overdosed on her sleeping aid. Duo was there to help her. She goes home tomorrow." Zechs leaned back in his seat, hands covering his face as he tried to sort out what had happened.

"God!" He cursed softly.

"Yes?" A voice answered. They all turned to see Duo standing in the doorway with his arm around Relena. A very different Relena than the one they had left those few short years ago.

"Relena...?" Noin murmured, shocked at the change in her friend.

"Noin? What are you doing here?" Relena asked.

"Oh, God!" Noin cried, racing over to throw her arms around the girl she always saw as the sweet, somewhat bratty younger sister she never had.

"Present!" Duo said. Sally and Zechs watched Noin and Relena hug each other tightly before Sally turned away.

"So..." She said, searching for something to say.

"Buttons on ice cream, see if they stick." Duo said helpfully.

"Shut up, Duo." Sally and Zechs muttered in unison.

"Sorry, Jeeze." Duo grumbled.

"So, what did you want to tell me again?" Sally asked. Zechs looked up and caught Noin's eye over Relena's head. Slowly she shook her head. Sighing he turned back to Sally.

"It's not important. We'll tell you another time."


	7. Taking Over Me

**Dear Reader,**

**This chapter came out early WHOO HOO! It is also getting surprisingly good reviews for a fic I wrote on a whim three years ago... Hmmm... I guess spontaneous writing is a good thing. **

**In this chapter I introduce a new character, PT the ferret. I saw a picture on the 'net of Heero holding a ferret and just had to use it. **

**I do not own Gundam Wing**

**I do not own Taking Over Me by Evenescence.**

**Thank you to Heaven Star and Kami-Crimson.**

**Heaven Star- I found out the hard way that has this little thing about song fics... So I had to twist everything around a little... Maybe one day I'll rewrite the entire thing and do it properly. But for now this is the way it is... Poo...**

**Kami-Crimson- I'm adopted too so I kinda know what it's like wondering who and where your real parents are. But unlike Relena I've known it my entire life... I even have a letter from my foster mother who took care of me the two weeks after I was born and not old enough for adoption. You and me, we're the lucky ones... Just think about the others who are either shunted from foster home to foster home or end up messed up or dead. I don't really know what to think of Relena herself. I think she's spoiled, but that's not surprising. I think of her as just a girl. That's all I have to describe her. Just a girl...**

**Thank you to all of my reviewers, you give me such confidence and support. Thank you to my friends who make up the pieces of me. Thank you to my family and TO MY PARENTS WHO JUST CELEBRATED THEIR 29TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! WOOO HOOO! PAR-TAY! BREAK OUT THE RUEBARB WINE AND THE BEATLES ALBUMS BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE A WILD ONE! (kidding... But seriously... Ruebarb wine is the best... Especially when it's home made... I don't think I've ever heard my parents be more giggly and hoochi-scoochi. It was cute... Awww...)**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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A week passed since Noin and Zechs had returned to Earth. Duo ended up moving in with Relena to 'keep an eye on her'. He lived in the room just down the hall from her own with his pet ferret PT. PT was a roley-poley ball of mischeif and never failed to bring a smile to Relena's face. Although Duo wasn't satisfied that she was smiling enough.

"Well, that's a start." Was all he said. Of course the housekepper hated the ferret, simply because she though he looked like a rat.

"What better reason to keep him around?" Duo had said, "Comedic releif." Even though she had promised herself and her friends that she would never look at another sleeping pill for as long as she lived, Relena was starting to miss them. It was becoming harder and harder for her to face the world every day, even if it was something as trivial as going downstairs for breakfast. The urge to return to the world of sleep and that comforting sense of timelessness was becoming stronger by the day as insomnia slowly set in. And Heero. He was beginning to invade her thoughts. Even though it had only been six months since his death it sometimes felt like six years or six days. But even though time was passing, her memories were not. And with htose memories Heero slowly invaded the dreams of what little sleep she managed to get. The dreams felt so real that Relena half believed she would wake up to see Heero sitting on the bed next to her. At first the dreams were so real that she had gone to all of his old haunts, just to see if he was there. It was frightening at first, but they were just dreams.

She remembered when she had first met him. He had been so harsh and cold. Emotionless and brutal. The Perfect Soldier they had called him. So young in body, so old and jaded at heart. She had researched everything she could find about him, which was unsurprising few. She wanted to see who lie behind the emotionless face of Heero Yuy.

She also remembered when she had first fallen in love with him. All she wanted was to comfort the child Heero had never been. To hold him and sing lullabies to him until he could sleep through the night without nightmares and memories of a little red haired girl and her puppy. He had tried to chase her away. He told her he didn't want to see her. He told her he'd kill her. He had told her he didn't want to see her hurt. He told her he was dangerous. A born killer.

She remembered the old Anime they had watched together once. He had likened himself to the scarred, redheaded main character. The red head had been an assasin. It had given her chills when she heard the line, 'A manslayer is a manslayer until the day he dies'. To hear Heero compare himself to that fictional character had disturbed her, even though she could see the truth in it just as he had. But she hadn't given up hope until he had actually lost his temper with her, a rare thing for the usually stoic heero. She had run off in tears. He had followed her not long after. They came to an understanding that day. That was also the day she had officially hired him as her bodyguard.

Even though he had never said the words she had known that he loved her. In his own way. Even to the day he died she had known it. It was the way his cold eyes would soften and she could almost feel the warmth coming from them when he looked at her. She kept him close, to make sure that he wouldn't escape again. But he had. He had died, and in doing so escaped her once again. This time forever.

Laying back Relena felt sleep cover her like a blanket. It was like this nowadays. A floating in and out of sleep as her mind willed it. But in those breif spaces of oblivion she would dream of him. Tonight was no different. He was there. His eyes so warm as they had never been in life. He held out his hand to her. His lips on hers was gentle, as she knew they were, for in all the time they had known each other he had only kissed her once. She almost believed that he was there.

She remembered little of the dream. Only that she felt at peace. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear. The same words he had said to her before he had died.

"_Live Relena. Live for me. Live the life I couldn't. Love the way I didn't know how to. Live Relena. Live."_

Relena woke to the sound of his voice echoing in her ear and tears fighting to free themselves from her tightly closed eyelids. Opening her eyes she turned to look at herself in the mirror over her dresser. The look in them frightened her. It was the same look in Heero's eyes before he had died. That look of longing and hopelessness. Those were Heero's eyes.And for the first time since Heero Yuy's death six months before, Relena wept.

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A few minutes later Relena heard a knock at the door.

"Relena? Are you alright?"

"Duo..." Relena whispered, "Such sharp hearing. Just like Heero. Always knew where I was."

"You say something?"

"I'm fine Duo. Go back to bed."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You sure you're sure?"

"I'm surely sure."

"Positive?"

"Positive."

"Surely positive?"

"Duo!"

"Alright! But I'm just down the hall if you need me."

"I know... Thank you Duo."

"Anything for you Relena." The feeling in his voice made her pause. A strange emotion clenched at her chest and she had the strange urge to call him back. The feeling disturbed her, but she brushed it aside and settled back onto the bed. A few moments latter a fuzzy fluff ball scampered onto the billows. Relena smiled and stroked the heavily masked head.

"PT... Duo sent you didn't he? He didn't want me to be lone, did he?" PT snorted what could only have been an affirmation and curled up into a ball next to her head and covered his eyes with his tail. Smiling Relena went to sleep feeling strangly warm knowing that, in his won way, Duo was keeping watch over her as she slept through the rodent the would bite the fingers off anyone who looked at her crosseyed. And Heero watching over her went without saying so Relena had no doubts that she was being well taken care of.

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You don't remember me  
But I remember you  
I lie awake and try to shard not to think of you

But who can decide what they dream?  
And dream I do...

I believe in you  
I'd give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live  
To breath  
You're taking over me

Have you forgotten all I know  
And all we had?

You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand  
I knew you loved me then.

I believe in you  
I'd give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live  
To breathe  
You're taking over me

I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough  
So many things inside that are just like you are taking over me

I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you  
To live  
To breathe  
You're taking over me.


	8. Immortal

**Dear Reader,**

**Wow... I'm on a role... Maybe it's because I'm taking a break from my other fanfiction? But right now I'm just really into this fic. Rawr. Go me. My mommy says I need to get a job. So right now I'm working for her! Yay! Ten bucks a week to give the house a thorough cleaning. And then there's the usual mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, feeding the livestock, feeding the cats and the rabbits and the pigs. Moving the horse to another part of the lawn I can't get to. Cooking. Carting the little brother to the swimming pool and baseball practice (GO LIONS! RAWR!). But really... I sent out five or six applications and people have yet to call me... grumblegrumble... Oh well! I still have fanfiction! And square bailing season is starting soon, maybe I can hire myself out to other farms as a wagon tosser!**

**I don't own Gundam Wing**

**I don't own My Immortal by Evenescence**

**Kami-Crimson- Dude, you're making me blush! I got all teary eyed. Your reviews mean a lot to me. I just write down what I see in my head... And there is a lot in my head... My friend Everfire has accused me of having way too much in my head. She's a hypocrite. She has too much in her head too. Ramble away! It's good for you! Rambling helps bleed off mental stressors that would otherwise force one to seek psychiatric help! Believe me I know... Rambling goooood... Peace out.**

**Thank you to my reviewers and my friends and my family and my cousin who really shouldn't play with guns, I don't care if the raccoons are moving in you're making my dog psychotic with all the popping noises... Go somewhere else to shoot your stupid revolver. Heck, get rid of the stupid revolver and get yourself a nice, reliable rifle! Those things are better for shooting rabid wildlife than that little toy...Grrrrr... Show off... I hope you end up shooting your thumb off (again). What would Grandpa do if he saw you! He'd wack you upside the head with his cane that's what he'd do! **

**HERE'S TO MY COUSIN WHO GOT MARRIED! YAAAAY! THE FAMILY GROWS! SOON WE SHALL NUMBER IN THE THOUSANDS AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! BOHEMIANS BREED LIKE RABBITS! WHEEEE!(At least my family does... My family tree is bigger than I am...)**

**Okay... It seems today is my day for rambling about my wacko family... Hee... I wuv my fambly**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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In a small apartment near Preventers Headquarters Chang WuFei sat alone on his bed. He smiled dully at the bandage on his arm. He couldn't even remember what tool he had been using, but the cut was dangerously near a major artery. He snorted.

"See how the mighty has fallen." He muttered.

He hated who he was. He was still a soldier. A fighter. A killer. There was nothing really there for him to live for anymore now that the battles were over and 'True Peace' had come. His first beloved enemy, Treize Kushrenada, had died by his own hand. The memory of Treize had haunted him for a long time. It still did sometimes. Now his other beloved enemy had found the peace and releif he could not.

Heero Yuy had probably been the only person who had truly understood him. Although, unlike WuFei, he had tried to find peace in a 'Normal' life. He had failed and had decided that death was easier. But in doing so he had left the one person who had truly needed him behind. Now, like his memories of Treize, WuFei was obsessed with those memories of Heero. They haunted constantly.

WuFei snorted. He understood why Heero had done it, probably better than most. That pain was now a daily constant in his life. What was he doing here? He didn't belong here! Not in this life. Unwrapping the bandage WuFei stared longingly at the stitches. Faint scars traced his body from injuries sustained in the war and from when the inner pain had become too much to bear alone.

Six months. It had been six months since Heero had escaped this cage called life. Relena had said it had been an accident, but WuFei had seen the look in her eyes. She had known what had happened. She had even known it was going to happen. That's the kind of person Heero was. He had known far more than he had let on in the past. He was amazing. His mind was so sharp and clever he could wriggle his way out of any trap. Even the trap called life.

Heero used to drive him made with frustration. He would say one ting yet do another. It amazed WuFei that such a violent and emotionless person could hold such peaceful morals and ideals. He seemed emotionless, but WuFei had been the only one to ever see Heero's tears. Had been the only one to hear his nightmares.

In a way WuFei had used Heero to support himself. Soon after Heero's death WuFei had realized how much he had needed Heero to keep himself sane. If Heero could survive, so could he. But Heero hadn't survived. WuFei had. But for how much longer, he didn't know. It was like in all of those suicide missions they had gone into. Always there had been someone left behind. In a way Heero had been the one left behind. But in another way Heero had been the one to escape, leaving them to deal with the aftermath.

Sometimes he thought he could see Heero. It was eerie the way his visage would seem to appear out of nowhere. But it was only his mind trying to recapture something that was long dead.

Sometimes WuFei would go to the statue in the park where the pilots used to go when they were trying to relax during the war. He remembered fondly the time Duo had brought along a pack of cigarettes he had snitched off of one of the OZ higher ups during an infiltration mission. The package had been passed and they sat around, talking of the future for hours. It was like some secret brotherhood. In a time whre the future was uncertain and they knew they could all be dead tomorrow, it had been nice to hang out like the teenageers they were tand talk about a future that could never be.

Duo had spoken of his wish to get laid before he turned sixteen. He wanted to date and have pretty girls hang on his arm all day. He wanted to be loved.

Trowa wanted to return to the circus and be an acrobat. He wanted to truly be a brother to his pretty co-worker, Catherine. In a moment of brotherly over-protectiveness he had also threatened to kill Duo if he ever tried anything.

_'Depends...' _Duo had said, _'She might be a hag, who knows what your taste in girls is.' _That had earned him the noogying of his life. Quatre wanted to take over his father's business.

_'And when we're in trouble you can save our asses.' _Duo had said, earming him another noogy.

_'And what do you want to be when you grow up Mr. Chang?'_ Duo had asked sweetly, still rubbing his aching skull. WuFei had glared at him and snapped,

_'When I know I'll tell you smart-ass.' _Duo had held up his hands in surrender and turned to Heero.

_'Well Heero?'_ Quatre asked, '_What do you want to do? What's your little dream?'_ Heero had taken a drag on his cigarette, blew the smoke out slowly and said,

_'I want a family. Get married. Have children. No more than two. Doesn't matter, boy or girl. Both would be nice.'_

_'Wow, Heero.'_ Quatre said after they had all stopped staring at him in shock, _'You've got this all figured out don't you?'_ Heero had shrugged and ground out his cigarette.

They hadn't been to the Statue in a long time. Not since the war had ended. WuFei's smile turned bitter at the memory. Heero hadn't gotten his wish. Instead he had died. The Winner company was now more successful than ever. Trowa was about to become an uncle and had also been nearly arrested for being caught in the park making out with Quatre's youngest sister, Ruthie. Instead of becoming a gigolo Duo had actually gotten into a catholic college and spent his free time helping out the homeless and giving last rights at the hospital. Of the five of them only two had gotten what they origionally wanted. Duo seemed happy with his life. But WuFei still didn't know what he wanted. He scowled and ran his fingers over the stiches, releshing the pain in a twisted sort of way. The pain reminded him how human he was. How inhuman he was. How inhuman they all were. He then came to a realization. Something about himself and about Heero.

"I'm not like you. I'm not as foolish as you were. There was a reason behind your death. I can see it. And I'll be damned if I don't figure it out sooner or later. You just wait my friend. They may not have realized it, but you had this planned from the very start..."

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I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave  
Because your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds don't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

When you cried I'd wip away all of your tears  
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand thorugh all of these years  
But you still have all of me

I've tried to tell myself that you're gone  
But thought you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

These wounds don't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I wiped away all of your tears  
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me


	9. They're Baaaaack

**Dear Reader,**

**Really short chapter here to tap off the week. I won't be updating tomorrow because I'm going shopping and the nearest city is over two hours away. And I'm really, really tired. I walked the quarter mile to the border of the farm where the strawberry patch is to see if anything was ready yet. Nope. Not yet... It may not seem that long of a walk, and it isn't. But try to make that walk barefoot through a bean field with the leftover of last years corn crop. Freakin' ouch. Happy to report that the wild plums are growing nicely and my brother's cat and my cat got together and had kittens! Yay! My brother's cat is named Peachy Keen she is striped and peach colored.. My cat is named OddBall, he is a grey striped calico. His mother, Stitch was a calico and his father, Endymion Gray was well... gray. The three kittens are cute. Orange Brandy is a striped orange. Coco Yoko is a black calico, really pretty and fox like with white tips on his ears and tail. My favorite though is Velcro. He looks just like his father, all grey and stripey, and suits his name. Whenever I hold him he clings. Like velcro. They are soooo adorable! Eeeek! My horse, Tommy a.k.a Pretty Boy, doesn't really know what to think of them. It's hillarious the way he's always staring at them and wondering what the hell they are. You can almost hear him thinking 'Hmmm... Mini fluff balls... What the..?' And my brother's rabbits just go psycho whenever they see them. **

**Okay... I'm rambling again... Ooops?**

**I do not own Gundam Wing... Although I do own Duo's hair. (measures it..) Yep.. Soon it'll be to my butt and it's the same color too. I even put weird stuff in my braid...**

**Kami-Crimson- Try me. Seriously. Once I start paying attention to a person the building could collapse and I wouldn't care because I'd be too busy concentrating on what they're saying.**

**Heaven Star- I know... S'okay... You should see my other fic Book of Days... Now that sucker has songs in it! My friends want to make a soundtrack. I've got a songlist almost thirteen pages long!**

**Thanks to my friends and reviewers. You rock. Thanks especially to my friends Whozit and Whatzit who are driving me to the city to shop. I have a list. ANIME AHOY!**

**SEVENTEEN DAYS UNTIL MY NINTEENTH BIRTHDAY! THE COUNTDOWN STARTS NOW!**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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Quatre opened the door to his apartment and smiled his famous smile.

"Welcome, welcome! Come on in. It's been awhile hasn't it?"

"It has.." WuFei answered solwly. He didn't know Quatre all that well. Even though they had been Gundam Pilots and had shared numerous safe houses and mission they hadn't had all that much in common. At least not until Quatre's father was killed and he went berzerk for a short amount of time. Now they had a little bit more in common. Death. And a coulple of syringes of 'Perfect Soldier Syrum' as the war drugs had been jokingly called. The drug was still in effect for most of the pilots and more than likely always would be. The hightened senses. The quicker reflexes. The higher intelligence and learning prowess. Quatre was certainly the smartest of the bunch and had higher leadership skills. That was why WuFei had gone to him for help.

"Would you like something to drink?" Quatre asked, "Or would you like me to cut the politemess crap so we can get down to why you suddenly called me out of the blue?" WuFei had to smile at that. Quatre was perceptive, but you didn't have to be perceptive when a former almost enemy comes calling and says he wants to talk.

"I want to know if Heero left behind any personal documents. Wills. Diaries. Anything." He said. Quatre raised an eyebrow.

"Now this is sudden." He folded his hands and cocked his head to the side, "Why are you suddenly so interested?"

"You know as well as I do that Heero Yuy's death was no accident. I won't dirty his name by saying it was. No. He had it all planned out and I know there was more to it than a simple suicide." WuFei snapped, "There was more going on inside that head of his than he ever let on and I want to know what. I can't rest until I do." Quatre's other eyebrow went up, then he smiled and shook his head.

"And here I thought I was the only one who suspected something. But I wasn't clever enough to check through Heero's things. I know Relena still has most of his stuff. I'll do a check. It's been a long time since I went on a hacking spree. This should be fun. In the meantime I think we should bring all the old pilots together." He leaned back and stared at the ceiling, almost as if he were talking to himself, "This would be a great way to see if our skills are getting rusty. If we can pull this off without Relena finding out I'll buy everyone a round of drinks." WuFei couldn't help but smile at that.

"I hope you'll do a whole lot more than that." He said. Quatre grinned and it was a smile from the war. Sweet and mischievious and completely ruthless when put in front of a goal. The thrill of a good challenge was back. It felt as if something in side of him that had fallen asleep was waking up again. This was going to be fun...

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The next day the survive Gundam Pilots received the same message through a hacked and totally faked e-mail.

_Come to the Statue. Come alone. There's something you should know that could be worth your while._

_-Mr. Hawk_

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"Hey, hey, hey! Lookie what I brought!" Duo chortled as he waved around a carton of chigarettes, "Now this brings back memories!"

"Before we get into that...!" Quatre interrupted, "Arn't you going to ask what this is about?"

"What?" Duo spluttered innocently, "You mean this isn't just a meeting of old war buddies feminiscing about old times?" Trowa rolled his eye (his other, of course, hidden by his hair.)

"If it were just that, I don't think we would've been instructed to come alone Duo." He said. Quatre and WuFei shared a look. WuFEi nodded and Quatre took a deep breath, wishing that he could have a cigarette right now.

"It's about Heero." The entire group fell silent.

"What about hime?" Trowa asked tonelessly.

"It's about his death isn't it?" Duo asked. Quatre smiled and WuFei had to fight the urge to join him.

"Well." He said, "Looks like the God of Death has more in that head of his than just hair."

"HEY! What does that mean?"

"WuFei came to me yesterday wanting to know if Heero had left any documents behind. Diaries, journals, logs, wills. Anything. He believes that Heero didn't just suddenly decide to kill himself. He probably had it planned for months."

"If we realized we were all thinking the same thing, we would've had this little get together MONTHS ago!" Duo blurted, "And I thought I was dense." This was followed by a graceful back bend to avoid the punch thrown by WuFei.

"As I was SAYING." Quatre interrupted again, "I think we should find out what happened. We all know that there was more going on inside Heero's head than we gave him credit for. He had a plan for everything. I think that this is just one of them. I mean, what do we really KNOW about Heero Yuy?" There was silence as they all looked from one to the other. No one really knew who Heero was. Or even if Heero was his real name.

"So you're saying that you want us to find out?" Trowa asked. Quatre nodded.

"This is just too interesting a safe NOT to try and crack. It could be the last mission of the Gundam Pilots. The challenge is, finding this stuff without Relena knowing. I think she knows a little bit more about what's going on and wants to protect us from it." They all shared a look. There was no one sharper at following what the Pilots were doing than Relena. A crazy smile was twitching at Duo's lips and the glint was returning to his eyes. Trowa cracked his knuckles and gave a small smile.

"So. What do you say?" Quatre asked, "Are you with me?"

"Operation: Finding Heero." Duo said, pulling out the cigarettes and passing them around. He lit a match and held it up.

"Anyone who is with us share in this flame." He said, "Anyone not will either keep his silence, or I shall silence him myself." The flame was equally shared. The life and hope returning to the eyes of the Gundam Pilots. Once again they had an acutal purpose in life. Something worth fighting for. Nothing mattered except that moment, all could end the next. Blood burned and sang as the thrill of living on the edge retuned to them. Even though Trowa was an acrobat that constantly put his life in danger by working without nets, he had never felt a thrill like this since the war. Even though Duo lived to help others and to see Relena survive each day, he had never felt such a need to live before. WuFei smiled ferally at the healling scar on his arm. The pain was fading as the will to survive returned. Quatre's quick brain was already going down the mental checklist of things he needed to do. He would also need to contact Commander Une and let her know what he wanted to do. No need to risk a lawsuit if this turned ugly and he was sure they would be interested as well. Especially Noin, Zechs and Sally. But that would be for later. For now they would bask in the joy of living once again. The Gundam Pilots were back.


	10. Big Plans

**Dear Reader,**

**I'm sorry I took so long updating... I was having some... er... 'Technical difficulties'... I was also working on some other fics that I have going and I seem to be doing a lot of one-shots... This is not helped by the fact that I am now in love with Kingdom Hearts... And I just got back from the AnimeIowa convention! YAY! I didn't seen anyone cosplaying Gundam Wing, which made me sad. Next year I will definitly be going as Duo Maxwell. And Relena if I can get into character easily enough. This year I went as Aerith from Final Fantasy VII. To those who were there I was the crazy, blood thirsty Aerith whose vocabulary consisted of 'Prettypretty' and wore a rainbow slinky on my left wrist and an old shoelace on my right.**

**Here's to FOGDRAGON! One of my dearest friends who just had a birthday. You rock! You are also really warm, thanks for leaning the other night, I really needed it.**

**I do not own Gundam Wing...**

**What else do I have to say except that the spider population has risen while the asian beetle population has fallen. The crops are growing and the menu at my house consists of Sweet Corn, String beans and Zukini. As well as whatever pork we have at the town Locker. I'm going to be so sick of corn soon, I just know I am.  
Huzzah for Rambling! Yaay!  
**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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Quatre straightened his tie for the tenth time in the past five minutes. He usually wasn't one to figit, but Commander Une made him nervous. Duo still couldn't stand to be in the same room as her without getting all tense. He took a deep breath and let it out as he went over what he wanted to say as the elevater took him up to the top floor of the Preventer's HQ. It was Une he had to impress, charm and convince. If this plan worked they would have a powerful ally for Operation: F.H. If not... Well... They had worked on their own during the war. Quatre, unlike the others, hoped she would work with them. It would make his life so much easier for him. Quatre still had a high risk of an ulcer from the war, perfect soldier training or not, he just wasn't made for secrecy. Give him a map and he could strategize until there was nothing left, unlike the others who were made for under cover spontaneous guerilla work. But, like the others, a small part of him hoped that she wouldn't help them. This was the part of him that got a high off of the risk. Turned on by danger, enjoying the thrill of living on the edge. He had always wanted to test his skills again. This would be a great chance. No. Easier was safer. Easier was better, for both him and the others. No high risk. No disapointments. No impossibilities. Easier was safer. Une would agree with him. She would see his side of the argument and that THEY needed it. Relena needed it. Une was resonable. He could to this. He was the 'General' of the group. He could do this. Or so he hoped.

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A half hour later...

"WHAT! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MINDS!"

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"So... I'm guessing that was a 'No'.." Duo said when Quatre had returned to his apartment where the group had made their temperary HQ. Quatre was lying on the couch with a cloth over his aching eyes. His ears were still ringing as he related what had passed between him and the former OZ colonel.

"I swear the room shook." Quatre moaned, "I don't even remember getting back to my car..."

"We believe you already..." WuFei grumbled, crossing his arms, "Stop swearing..."

"So." Duo said, linking his arms behind his head, "What do we do now?" They all looked at each other then looked at Quatre.

"What!" Quatre demanded, "What are you looking at me for? I'm not the leader!"

"All those who favor say 'aye'." Duo said.

"AYE!"

"There... Now it's official."

Quatre glared at the former God of Death, silently swearing painful revenge. Duo just grinned and shrugged.

"My question stands." He said, "What do we do now?" The room fell silent. A few moments passed before Duo began to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Trowa asked. Duo put a hand up to his face, burying his fingers into his bangs. To anyone else, it made him look psychotic, to the others, it was Duo's way of trying not to cry.

"I was just thinking..." He said, laughter taking on a bitter note, "I was just wondering how the hell Heero was able to pull it off for all those missions. All thos plans and snapshot decisions. Here we are, planning on pulling the biggest heist since OZ and we can't think of a damn thing."

"Heero was on a whole different level from us." Wu Fei said, "Like I said before, he knew things... And I want to find out what those are."

"Okay." Quatre said, leaning back and placing the cloth over his eyes again, "Let's take baby steps. Look at it all piece by piece. Where do we want to start out first?"

"I would suggest the Winner Data Bank." Trowa said, "It's served us well in the past. We may not find much, but not much is better then nothing at all."

"Good idea." Quatre said, eyes still covered, "Then what?"

"We should try a few simple hacks into the more complex Banks and see how far that gets us." Duo offered, "I could do that easily from almost any computer. Relena has them everywhere."

"I would be careful with Darlian computers. "Trow said, "They could be bugged. And we all know Relena is forever keeping an eye on us. "

"Leave that to me." Duo shot back ,"I'll take care of it."

"I"ll give you some Tricks I learned Duo." Quatre said, "You still remember the code?"

"Yes, yes." Duo said, "What next?"

"If those don't give us any good leads we should try sneaking into Preventer's HQ." Wu Fei said, "Give our undercover skills another go."

"I don't think so." Quatre said, "I think we should use Preventers as a last resort. Next."

"Lunch?" Duo asked, "All this thinking is making me hungery!" As if as one they all glanced at the clock.

"The little burger place near the Tent?" Trowa offered, "They make good onion rings."

"All those in favor?" Duo asked.

"AYE!"

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"I think we should change all of our codes, just to be safe." Quatre said later on as they ate, "If Une had agreed we wouldn't have to worry about it, but since the Preventers are now 'enemies', we can't trust the old books."

"So what should we do?" Trowa asked, nibbling on a french-fry, "What is more complex then the codes we use now?"

"Simplicity." Duo mumbled through his burger, of course to the others it sounded like 'Impulickity'.

"Didn't anyone tell you not to talk with your mouth full, moron?" WuFei snapped. Duo swallowed and stuck his tongue out.

"No. Nobody was around to tell me to, Idiot."

"Asshole."

"Better to be an asshole then an entire ass." Duo shot back.

"Children! Peace!" Quatre cried, "What did you want to say Duo?"

"Simplicity." Duo repeated with one last glare at WuFei, "If we can't go more complex, we make the code so simple, yet so chaotic that no one but use will understand it."

"Nice..." Trowa murmured, "Remember the time we made up an entire language of codes from that one movie? What was it called..?"

"Lord of the Rings..." WuFei answered, "I was there..."

"Hell yeah." Duo said, slurping his soda, "It was Elvish with a triple A1Z code. Simplicity at it's finest. They'll never discover a thing... And if they try, all they'll get is gibberish."

"Which is what we want..." Quatre said, "We should give it a few practice runs first before we try anything. We don't have to rush."

"Haste makes waste, waste pollutes and pollution kills the trees which gives oxygen back to the Earth." Duo state.

"Thank you, Confuscious." Quatre said sardonically, "Wo... What now?"

"We look for something to get our codes from but other than that I think we have a pretty good start. We should just stick with what we have for now." Trowa said.

"Sooo... Meeting adjourned?" Duo asked.

"I believe so." Quatre answered, "How'd I do?"

"Pretty good." Duo said, "A good start." He stood and streatched, showing off for the appreciative glances he was getting from the waitresses.

"Well, I better be getting back." He said, "I promised Relena I would take her to a movie." The others shared a look.

"What?" Duo asked, noticing their glances, "What's with the 'Uh-oh' look? I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. It's not like that."

"Yet." WuFei snorted. Duo swallowed hard and shook his head.

"It's not." He protested, but now it sounded lame, even to his ears. Shrugging into his leather jacket he flipped his braid out and turned.

"Relena needs to get out more as it is, you all agree with me."

"So long as that's all it is." Trowa said softly. Duo snorted.

"Whatever. I'll catch you guys later." With that he walked out of the restaurant.

"You know, I've never understood that saying." WuFei murmured.

"I think it comes from a police cant." Trowa said, "You know, when the bad guys get away."

"Oh-no!" Quatre gasped.

"What!"

"Duo didn't pay for his share of the bill!"

"That asshole!" WuFei growled.

"Like Duo said, "Trowa murmued, leaning back in his seat, hands linked behind his head, "It's better to be an asshole than an entire ass."

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	11. Something That Rhymes With 'Terrible'

**Dear Reader,**

**I am so SOORRRRRRYYYYY!**

**There... I feel a little better now... Sorry this chapter is so late. School started and a million things were going on during the summer and things just piled up to catastrophic proportions... Love. Break-up. Unrequited love. Anime Iowa. Kingdom Hearts. School. Late nights studying. Oif... Long days.**

**This chapter was just too much fun to write. It starts with a cliché and ends with a bit of angst. I'm probably going to get smacked from a few people for this chappie, but oh well...**

**I do not own 'Gundam Wing'.**

**I don't own 'Charlotte's Web'.**

**I do not own 'The Music Man'.**

**I do not own 'The PowerPuff Girls: The Movie'.**

**Thanks to all of my friends and reviewers and stuff. I love you all and blow kisses in your general direction.**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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Relena opened her closet door and gasped in dismay. Swallowing hard she took a deep breath and pulled out an outfit. Shaking her head she discarded it and pulled out another. And another. And another. This was terrible! Truly, utterly TERRIBLE! A knock on her bedroom door caused her to jump.

"Relena?" Duo called from the other side.

"Come in!" She answered. He stuck his head through the door, took one look at the pile of clothes on her bed and raised an eyebrow.

"Troubles?"

"Like you wouldn't believe! This is TERRIBLE!"

"Spelled T-double-E-double-R-double-R-double-I-double-B-double-L-double-E-E-E?"

"Yes! Terrible! With a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!" Duo's second eyebrow shot up. Outside he looked like any normal guy not believing that the girl had nothing to wear. On the inside he was jumping up and down, pumping his fist in the air and howling with glee. Now THIS was the Relena he knew! YES! SHE HAS RETURNED! Praise God and glory ah-ley-LOO-yah!

"Well then." Duo said, pulling out his credit card, "I just got paid. Let's go lay siege to the mall and attack every clothing rack in sight!" Relena gaped at him.

"Really? You'd really treat me?" She asked.

"Pfft. Hell yeah. You deserve it. The dead has risen and all of that." He answered. Relena's eyes filled with happy tears.

"DUO!" She squealed before throwing herself into his arms, nearly strangling him in a bone cracking hug. Duo didn't hesitate to return it, but when he saw the picture of Heero on the dresser he felt guilty. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Relena loved Heero and always would. What was he doing pulling the moves on her? Thinking fast Duo pulled away and gave her one of his most charming grins.

"My terrorist skills are getting rusty anyway..."

"DUO!"

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Threats of raiding the mall terrorist style aside, it was one content former Shinigami that walked to the car, nearly weighted down by bags. In the end Relena had refused to use his money, claiming that she had more than enough to buy her own clothes. But it didn't really matter who had bought the things because Relena was smiling. It was a true real smile. One that made her face almost glow. And she didn't just walk anymore, she sashayed. Just like she used to. The depressed and lonely woman was gone for now. THIS was the Relena of four years ago. Confident in herself and in those around her. Duo had thoroughly enjoyed himself at the mall. Because of her hair cut and drastic change in appearance, nobody had really recognized Relena as the former Queen of the World. And Duo liked it that way. No dangers, hidden or open. Only a basic watchfulness. His instincts hadn't even peeped at him so he had been confident that no psychopaths were going to get them. Stowing the bags in the back of the car, Duo saw that they still had enough time before the movie.

"Say." He said.

"What?"

"How about we go get some ice-cream before the movie starts... This time, my treat."

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Duo didn't really remember much about the movie. It had been a classic, older than the hills, yet timeless in it's popularity. He had been too busy watching Relena. He never really too the time to really watch the play of expressions on her face before. Now he indulged himself in the dark theater. The way she laughed at the funny parts, gasped in suspense, growled and humphed at the villain who was acting like a male chauvinist asshole. He was almost disappointed when the movie ended. Relena chattered happily on the way back to the jeep.

"So what did you think of the movie Duo?" She asked. Duo smiled.

"Very entertaining." He said, not talking about the movie at all.

"Really?" she asked, "I didn't think you would really like a movie like this."

"What!" Duo cried in mock indignation, "I am insulted! Of course I liked this movie! Don't you know I would never miss an episode of the series?" She raised an eyebrow cynically.

"Really?" She asked. He nodded vigorously.

"Not wind, nor rain nor a thousand suicidal missions would keep me away!"

"Y'know Duo, it's kinda hard to see you in the cockpit of Deathscythe watching the PowerPuff Girls."

"I'm serious! That show kicks so much ass!" He said. Relena laughed. It was a beautiful sound to his ears. It was a real, true laugh. She stopped laughing when she realized that he was staring at her.

"What?" She asked, "Do I have something on my face?" He shook his head and smiled.

"Nope. You look perfect." He wasn't about to remind her that she was smiling. He knew for a fact that when people notice you acting out of the ordinary, they worried. It was annoying to have an emotion pointed out. It was one of the reasons why he and the other pilots hated psychiatrists. They thought they knew everything. Duo's smile became wry as he opened the car door and helped her in. As they drove home he suddenly remembered something.

"I have work tomorrow... I took a few days off to see how you're doing, but I really do need to head back."

"I never asked, Duo, where do you work?" Relena asked curiously. Duo hid a wince.

"I still work at the scrap yard with Hilde, if that's what you're asking. She doesn't need much help anymore so I do it for fun and because I get free lunch. Minimum wage at it's finest."

"Are you making enough?"

"Aw, yeah... I still get paid from the military so I'm in no need of anything... I only accept the minimum wage because Hilde is a stubborn little thing and won't accept anything less." He answered. Relena smiled.

"How is Hilde? I haven't seen her in awhile..." She let the sentence hang. She hadn't seen Hilde since Heero's funeral six months before. Duo swallowed back a sigh.

"She's doing really well."

"You two seem to be close." Relena fished. He shrugged.

"It's nothing. She's like a little sister to me. She's a good kid."

"That's good." They made small talk all the way back to her house, more quiet now since the housekeeper had already retired for the night. Duo walked Relena to her room.

"I had a really nice night, Duo." Relena said, "It went by really fast... I'm almost sad that it had to end so soon." Duo rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah. But hey..'Time flies when you're having fun', and around me the fun never stops!" He grinned. Relena laughed.

"I realize that now..." She said, smiling up at him. Duo swallowed hard. Suddenly it felt as if his body weren't his own. It was just like he was during adolescence, since he couldn't really compare it to Junior High, never having gone there himself, all awkward and clumsy. Leaning forward he laid a gentle kiss on her mouth. Relena gasped, her eyes wide. She froze where she was, her heart thrumming in her chest. She didn't know what to do or how to react. She had always thought of Duo as a very dear friend. Obviously Duo thought of her as more. It was a snap shot thought through her head as she made her decision. Just as she was leaning into the kiss Duo pulled away. His eyes were wide and wild looking. His breath came fast as he stared at her, horrified by what he had done.

"I'm sorry." He stammered, stumbling back a step, then another, "I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry!" Spinning around he stumbled to his room

"Duo, wait!" Relena called, but his door was already closed with a decisive bang. Opening her own door Relena went inside, her mind a whirl of confusion. What had just happened? She stared into her reflection. The dead, hopeless look was gone. The sadness was still there and always would be, but it was a manageable grief now. Like a scar. It no longer had the power to kill her. It had healed somehow. Swallowing hard she touched her lips. Duo Maxwell, the so called 'Angel of Death', had kissed her. Picking up the picture of Heero she sat down on her bed and hugged it to her chest.

"I'm going to have to think about this..." She murmured.

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Duo slammed into his room. P.T. Opened his eyes and squeaked curiously from his spot on the bed.

"Dammit Maxwell!" Duo muttered fiercely to himself, "Why'd you have to blow it like that! She just lost the main man in her life, how could you push her like that? You just took advantage of a helpless woman. You should turn yourself in!" Slowly he slid down the door until hie was sitting on the floor. PT hopped off the bed and slithered into his lap. Duo stroked him absently, still deep in self-deprecating thought. He had just made a move on his dead best friend's girl. He had kissed Relena Dorlian Peacecraft, the so-called 'Queen of the World'. Tilting his head back he lightly banged it against the door.

"I'm gonna have to think about this..." He muttered.


	12. The Next Day

**Dear Readers,**

**Sorry this is taking so long to post. I just got to the end of all of my previously written work and am now writing from scratch. Right off the top of my head. Right now I'm listening to a song by AFI... I am in love with that group. The song is Miseria Cantare... It's to a Kingdom Hearts music video. It so fits. "Nothing from nowhere I'm no-one at all, radiate, recognize one silent call..." Wow... I love it.. Anyway, it's late and I digress...**

**I don't own Gundam Wing.**

**Thanks to Everfire and Foggy... I love you both. I have warm squishies from your call and I hope to see you both on Saturday. I will fly to you as fast as I can. **

**Thanks to all my reviewers who give me the confidence to continue one. **

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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When the war had ended and Duo truly had time to think about the future the question he had was obvious. It was the question that every soldier asks once all injuries are healed and most nightmares had faded:

What do I do now?

The answer for Duo was obvious. When he had been little the one man he had truly looked up to as a father figure had been Father Maxwell. Even though Duo had no intention of becoming a priest he did want to work for the church. In that line he had gone back to school and gone into the city with mission teams to help the poor. As an ex-streeter Duo connected with the poor and the homeless. He even taught pick-pocketing on the side, reasoning that to survive you had to use all the gifts that God had given him. Pick-pocketing just happened to be on of those gifts. Even though the missionary stuff didn't pay very well, if at all, he did get free meals and experience under his belt.

One of the jobs that Duo felt was the best for him and he had planned for even before the end of the war was that of being in the hospital, during the graveyard shift, giving last rights. He felt that it was his duty. His need for retribution against all that he had done during the war. It was one of those conscience things that had nagged at him until he had finally given in. That he chose the graveyard shift had just been a masochistic tendency on his part. But his personality and the piece of him that remained Shinigami did help the dying be more at ease with themselves and with what was about to happen. It was also a comfort to those who were left behind.

What had pained Duo the most about Heero's death was that Heero had been an atheist. Had never had the comfort of any religion. Never knew the safety that faith could give. Faith in anything for that matter. Didn't have to be Christianity. Could have been Voodooism for all Duo cared. But Heero had lived without religion and died never knowing religion. A sad fate indeed in Duo's state of mind. So it was one of Duo's missions in life. To help dying atheists see the light, any light at all, before they went. Even though he never believed the stories of how atheists never get to go to heaven but remained trapped in an eternal limbo. That was bullshit to him. If you were a good person and tried to do good in your life and felt guilty for the sins you had committed you will go to heaven. But he still thought it was sad that the poor souls still never got to experience that comfort of having something to lean on. Something to blame and hold onto. Duo had always blamed his shitty life on God. It made him feel better. And it was also a philosophy Father Maxwell had lived by and Duo now paraphrased.

"Life may be the consequence of God taking a shit, but it will help you grow." Duo said, smiling down at the six-year-old who had lost her baby brother in a car accident not an hour before. He had blessed the boy seconds before the barely-two-year-old had breathed his last. The little girl looked up at him and glared through a black eye.

"Not s'posed t'swear." She lisped through her missing front teeth, thank God they had been baby teeth and would grow back. Duo smiled.

"I know. But lets just say that I may be one of the messengers of God, but that doesn't stop me from sinning. I just live with it and beg His pardon before I go to bed." He said as he looked up at the clock, "And speaking of bed, I think it's time for little girls to go to sleep now..."

"Wanna see m'mommy..." She whimpered. Duo's smile became soft. Ever since he had been named leader of a gang at the age of six he'd had a weak spot for children weaker than himself. It made him turn to mush every time he saw a kid give 'hurt-puppy' eyes.

"Your mommy is sleeping right now, just like you should be. They called your dad and he's on his way... You know what happens when you try to wait for something that seems far away... It takes forever... So, you know what I do when things seem to take forever?" He asked. She shook her head.

"I sleep." He answered, "And by the time I wake up it's morning and I'm rested and willing to get through the day."

"Really?"

"Yep." Duo said, tucking the blankets in, careful not to bump her broken leg, "I'm sure your mommy will be awake by the time you do and your dad will be sitting right in this chair I'm sitting in, waiting for his little girl to wake up."

"Okay..." She yawned. Then she watched as he folded his hands and recited.

"Now I lay me down to sleep..."

"Now I lay m'down t'sleep..." She echoed, fascinated. Duo smiled at her and continued,

"I pray the Lord my soul to keep."

"I pray th'Lord m'soul t'keep.."

"That if I should die before I wake."

"That if I should die b'fore I wake..."

"I pray the Lord my soul to take."

"I pray th'Lord m'soul t'take..."

"Amen."

"Amen... G'night..."

"Good night, sleep tight, God will make sure the bedbugs don't bite." He said. She giggled and was soon fast asleep, the pain medication she was on ensuring her a dreamless night. Reaching out he gently brushed her bangs back with a finger, careful of her cuts and bruises. Then standing he stretched until his spine popped and glanced up at the clock. Two in the afternoon. It had been awhile since he had taken a two AM shift... But since he was now taking care of Relena, he had been changing his schedule around drastically. Closing the door silently behind him Duo made his way down to one of the main break rooms for a cup of caffeinated sludge. It was actually really good sludge. Either that or he was too used to rag coffee from a gym sock because all the coffee filters in the safe houses hadn't been replaced.

"Oi, kid!" A raspy voice called from a doorway. He turned to grin at the old man who was using his IV as a cane.

"Trying to run away on me already?" Duo asked cheerfully, giving a mock leer at the man's hospital gown, "I don't think you'll get very far like that." The man scowled.

"I dun care nuthin' 'bout that! Where can I get some real drink in this hellhole?" He snapped. Duo smirked.

"Awww... You mean the nice, clean, clear water you've been getting hasn't been enough?" He teased, "I'll go see if I can get the nurse to bring you a nice, refreshing glass of orange juice." As the old alcoholic began to protest Duo held up a finger and winked, "Just pretend it's a screwdriver and quit your bitching old man."

"And they call you a man of god." The man snorted. Duo shrugged.

"I don't claim to be anything. If people want to slap a label on me that's their problem."

"Brat."

Duo stuck his tongue out in reply and sauntered over to the nurse's station to see if he could get some OJ for his 'buddy'.

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It was some time later, when the doctor had shooed him away from the old man, that Duo finally had the chance to sit down and actually think. All things considered it was a regretfully slow day at the hospital. Regretful for him at least because then it meant he actually had time on his hands. That meant he had time to think. What it really meant was that his brain immediately went to the past night when he had kissed Relena. She hadn't seemed offended. She had smiled at him at breakfast and made small talk until he had to leave for the Salvage Yard. His brain skipped automatically over too Hilde. In his pocket was an invitation. A copy of seven other invitations she had sent to everyone else. Hilde wanted to kareoke. She wanted to see everyone again. She wanted to party. And as her 'brother' he wanted to make his baby 'sister' happy. That and he thought it would be good for Relena to go out and have some fun. Maybe it would help her forget all about what he was mock-affectionately calling 'The Incident'... Hopefully he could keep a better reign on himself that it would never happen again. Alas he had never been a very good liar... Not even to himself...


	13. Rebirth

**Dear Readers,**

**A short chapter to let you know that I'm still alive. I'm sorry if the Duo in this chapter offends you because I get the weirdest feeling that this is what Duo is like 'off camera'... I dunno... This is a fanfiction and I don't claim to know anything about anything. So, warning for OOCness...**

**I don't own Gundam Wing.**

**Here's to my friends and reviewers. I should have the next chapter up shortly. Now I'm going to bed because it's late and I'm tired.**

**Stay safe  
Stay healthy  
Sincerely,**

**Starr**

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The pants were tighter than he remembered. Then again, the last time he had worn pants this tight he had been sixteen and trying to seduce an oblivious OZ official into spilling government secrets at a nightclub. He glared at himself in the mirror.

"Admit it, Maxwell..." He told his reflection, "You are getting lax in your old age..." PT sneezed at him from the bed and he stuck his tongue out at the overweight rodent.

"Aw, you shuddup... I'm not that fat..." Glaring at the pants he yanked them up one last time and snapped them in place. Slowly he reached down and toughed his toes before gently lowering himself into a split before grinning triumphantly at the mirror.

"Ha! Take that! I've still got it!" Pulling himself into a handstand he walked himself over to his closet and flipped himself rightside up. Humming absently as he rifled through his clothes for something appropriate, yet fun. Pulling out a dark purple zip up vest he smiled fondly at it. It was a good vest and had been one of the few articles of "fun clothes" to have survived the war intact. Well... mostly intact. He glared at the bloodstain on the left side. Pulling on a battered grey undershirt he wandered down into the wash room, hopped up onto the dryer and reached over to rifle through one of the cupboards for the lye soap. Lye was a harsh, natural mixture that was mainly used in the colonies for everything. His first mentor, Solo, had been the one to have the youngest of the streetrats raid garbage cans for shavings of the stuff, molding it together into one clump and keeping the gang somewhat cleaner than most. It helped the older one's find jobs if they looked semi-decent and smelled semi-decent. Here on Earth, Lye was mainly used as a stain remover and Duo knew from experience that, with a little scrubbing, even bloodstains came out.

"Take that! And that! Feel the power of my soap of doom! I may run and I may hide but the only lies I own take out even the toughest stains! Ha-HA!" Holding up the vest triumphantly he squinted at the cloth. Not even a hint of blood remained. Cackling absently in triumph he put the soap away and tripped happily up the stairs to his room. The vest still fit like a glove and he admired himself in the mirror. Pulling out his braid he watched the long ripples tumble past his hips. Blowing a kiss at his reflection he licked his finger and touched it to his hip.

"Tssss. Too hot to handle." It was harder to find his make-up since he hadn't worn the stuff in years. He was surprised to find that he missed this. Dolling himself up, making people wonder just what he was exactly. Pretty for a boy, handsome for a girl. Gay, straight, bi, tranny? He snickered evily at the memories, by-passing the more painful ones and skipping right to the fun ones. He had always been a semi-exhibisionist. He couldn't wait to get back on stage and strut his stuff. Finding the old kit in a baggie in a drawer he pulled out the purple and black. Nice, dark colors. Black for death, which he still claimed as his namesake. Purple for a mixing of two in one. A nice even color that was neither one thing nor another. The fingerless elbow gloves were harder to find and the left one needed to be mended, but that was quickly done. Pulling his hair back in a mimicry of Relena's old style he smiled into the mirror.

"Hello, sexy..." He purred. He spun around a posed.

"Whaddaya think, PT?" He asked the ferret. PT looked up, glanced at him, then put his tail over his eyes and went back to sleep.

"You have no sense of taste." Duo sniffed mockingly.

"Duo?" Relena called knocking on his door, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep!" He called, pulling on a pair of black boots, his only clean pair at the moment and opening the door. Relena gaped at him. Slowly her gaze went from his hair and paned all the way down to his boots. She, herself, was wearing a white, backless sundress with blue accents and a pair of blue and white sandles. The colors suited her and her hair had white ribbons in it. Duo snapped himself out of his daze when she brought her eyes back up to his.

"What the hell are you wearing?!" She demanded suddenly, trying not to laugh, "You look like a hooker!"

"A very expensive, classy hooker." Duo corrected, spinning around. He stopped and posed dramaticly against the door, "I used to wear this outfit during the war. Like it?"

"I'm surprised to still fit into it!" She said. Duo sniffed haughtily.

"I may be twenty years of age, but I still have the body of a teenager." He ruined the moment by snickering, "That and I know how to suck my gut in."

"Gut?" Relena asked, poking at him, "What gut?"

"Yeep!" Duo helped, hopping out of the way, "Stop that!"

"Why?" Relena asked, mock innocently, "Are you ticklish?"

"Maybe..." Duo answered vaguely.

"Are you?" Relena asked, creeping closer.

"You'll have to catch me to find out! Race you to the car! Last one there buys the winner a drink!" He called, taking off.

"Hey!" Relena yelled, racing after him, "That's not fair!"

"All's fair in love and war, princess!"

"I'll show you 'princess'!"

It felt good, this feeling he had whenever he put on those clothes. The feeling of having no hibitions to weigh him down. If something bad happened he could easily blame the clothes. The clothes that gave him this flirty, flightly feeling. It was like being high... And he found that he never wanted that feeling to stop.


End file.
